November 15, 2006

Well today is 6 months, and I am 2 1/2 week from finishing my therapy. God has been so amazing through this entire process. I have given God all the glory for my speedy recovery. I plan on playing softball in the spring. I have had people ask why this happened to me. My response is, "Who cares? I'm alive." I will get to see my son turn three next month. I serve an awesome God and I dare anyone to challenge me on this. I was removed from the grasp of death. No one will ever convince me MY God is not real or alive.

Thank You!

We really want to say Thank You to everyone who came to visit, made contributions, sent cards or lifted our families up in pray during this difficult time in our lives. Everyone who came into my room while I was still in the hospital would always comment about all the cards taped to the window. I actually had someone tell me you could see all my cards from the parking lot, and that's how they knew we where still there. I have told several people you always know your family loves you, but it really sinks in when you have something major happen in your life like this. To think my parents dropped there lives for three months to make sure every need I had was met, and I just don't mean my parents Jennifer's parents where right there beside mine.
Words can never express the gratitude in my heart. God is amazing! The word amazing does no justice for my God. My doctor's and therapist continually would comment about the support structure which is in my life. They attributed my rapid progress to the support I have.
The biggest supporter I have in my life next to God is my wife, Jennifer. God has blessed me with an incredible life partner. She has had the most amazing strength. She will be the first to admit her strength was not her own. God will give us the anointing for everything we encounter. However He is a gentleman and will not force himself on us. We have to chose to run to Him and accept this anointing. Jennifer not only ran to God she jumped in His arms. She told me the other day she really felt like the only footprints in the sand belonged to Jesus through this entire process.

Well at this point I feel like I am beginning to ramble. However I really want express our Thanks to everyone who has been there with us through this entire process.

September 11th

Yes, it has been a whole month since I have written. Things have gotten really busy at work. We are re-decorating the children's area and guess who is in charge of it all. ME! I really didn't think I could do it, but I guess I can. The hardest part was picking out colors. The new curriculum we purchased for Elementary came with design ideas and transparencies to help with the drawing. Big City Studio is the name of the curriculum. So all I needed to do was pick a color. How hard can that be. Well I stressed over it. I decided on yellow for the walls. Then I painted the back wall black and the stage black. It really turned out looking good. The best part is....the Pastors said it looked good also. I have to have it completed by October 1st. The Masters team will help me when they get in also. It's fun now that I got the first step over with.

Our church is going through a lot of changes right now mainly in the children's area. So I have really been stressing about it since that is my area. It will be good changes, it's just stretching me some. I will write more about that in October after they are official.

Well, I haven't really written much about me in these blogs, due to that there was so much going on with Eric. Eric wants to start writing in it so I will write this last blog and then it will be Eric writing. I tell you the praise report and then I will write some about what I have been going through. The praise report is that the doctor that was supposed to do the gamma knife on Eric had him repeat a CAT scan and a MRI so they could have current pictures. When they got the pictures back, she and some other doctors at St. Anthony's looked at it and say "I can't find it". The expert doctors can not find the fistula. They say that some fistulas when they burst take care of themselves but we know what really happened! I still ask the question "Why". I don't know and I will probably never know. I have learned that I need to stay away from the Why questions and the what ifs. They are very dangerous.

Now on to me. I really thought that when Eric got out of the hospital, I would be jumping for joy because he was alive and got to come home. Something else hit me from out of no where....depression. For some reason, I became more sad than I was happy. I was angry at life and I must admit I was angry at God. No not me, I'm on a church staff. It happens! Yes it can happen to any of us, when we are weak and tired and the fight is out of us. The funny thing is, just admiting it to God and to myself started a healing process in my heart. I pray everyday now that God will heal my heart and stop the questions of why. I don't know why bad things happen to us. I am learning that for one what you let your mind think is so very important. It only takes one thought to start you off the path. And I am also learning that God doesn't get upset when we tell him things like "I'm mad at you". It's like he is just waiting for our moods to change or something. I have also learned that there are times when you just have to persevere. To persevere is probably one of the hardest things to do. The definition is to persist steadily in an action or belief usually over a long period and especially despite problems or difficulties. Doesn't sound fun! But God still says that we need to do that sometimes to get to the good stuff. (Hebrews 10:36)

So thanks for listening. Thanks for praying!

August 16th

Last week, we met witht the Doctor about the blood disorder. He was a really funny guy. He had eyebrows like catapillers. We thought it was going to be a real serious meeting. It wasn't. The doctor basically said that if Eric gets sick again and is going to be in bed for a while to tell the doctors to give him a medicine to stop blood clots. He said that for the rest of the family also. He said that Eric and his dad looked fairly healthy and to not really worry about it. He didn't want to get Christopher checked because then it would be on his record and it would prevent him from some things like if he wanted to go in the service. So it was really just informative.

We also heard from the doctor who will do the gamma knife. She wants Eric to have another CAT scan and MRI. He will have that done on Friday.

Eric's parents left on Saturday. It was very hard on everyone. They had been here for over 3 months. We were by ourselves on Saturday, Sunday and Monday. But reinforcement came Monday night. My mom came down and will stay for a while to help take Eric to therapy and other stuff.

August 8th

Last week we saw two doctors. On Monday, we saw the Physical therapist doctor who told us that we needed to do 4-6 more weeks of physical therapy. On Tuesday, we meet with the doctor that will be doing the gamma knife. This one was a little frustrating. She came totally unprepared in my opinion. She hadn't looked at our scans so didn't know what she was looking at. Then she couldn't work the computer. She said she would have to take the scans to her meeting next Tuesday (if she were prepared she could have taken it to her meeting that morning). Then we would have to meet with the Neuro surgeon for that hospital, hopefully he can redeem the place. Then we would have to plan a time that all doctors could get together and do the gamma knife. So we were a little frustrated that this isn't going to be sooner than next week.

This week we meet with the Dr. at OU med for the blood disorder.

Pray also for us for this week. Grammy and Grandaddy are leaving Saturday. They have become so much of our lives here that it's hard to think of them not being here. The good think though is that Grandma comes on Monday. So we won't be alone.

July 30th

Monday we have an appointment with the physical therapist to check on how he is coming along. On Tuesday we finally get to meet with the doctor from St. Anthony's. So this will be an interesting week.

Eric and I have tried it twice on our own now. We took Christopher to a local park to run some energy out. We were both kind of nervous about the outing. When we got to the park, one of the Pastors was there playing tennis. Just having him nearby was comforting to us. It went perfectly fine. Yesterday, Eric and I went on a date. It was a little nerve racking for me, because I am always so used to having Martin with us. So we had to conquer a few things, but we made it.

I am constantly reminded of how you must keep your thoughts in order. The Bible says to take every thought captive. This situation has really taught me to watch my thoughts. It only takes a few minutes for one thought to go from death to life.

Speaking of death to life....Pastor Neisent has spoken over us that our ministry will be from death to life. He has also said that there will be opportunities for Eric to tell his story. His voice will be heard.

July 20th

Sorry I haven't written for a while.

Well I am back at work full time. I'm not sure I put that in my last blog. It is sometimes hard to focus with everything else going on.

We heard back about Eric's CAT scan. The Dr. said it looked good, so he was referring us to the people at St. Anthonys. They haven't called to schedule an appointment yet.

Last weekend, Christopher woke up at 4 am throwing up. First he threw up in our bed. We only own two sets of sheets, one on our bed and one on Susan and Martin's bed. So we had to dig to find some new sheets. We then learned the throw up signs of Christopher. So as soon as he showed him we would practically throw him off the bed and run in the bathroom with him. I taught him how to throw up in the toilet. He threw up several more times that morning. He seemed fine the rest of the day. Although he would run to the bathroom and spit in the toilet and tell us he was throwing up. On Sunday, Susan started getting sick and we thought it was a migrain until one by one we ran to the bathroom. At one point, both bathrooms were taken so one of us had to run to the kitchen trashcan. We hoped that Eric would not get it, but after I left for work on Monday he started to get sick. I felt pretty bad but I was not throwing up, so I guess around one, Betty told me to go home. When I got there it was a sad sight. There were several trashcans in the living room. The house was completely dark and everyone had sad faces. I crawled in bed and slept for several hours. So we had a pretty wearing weekend. Eric missed therapy on Monday and Tuesday because of it.

We are all better now, just very leary of the last thing we ate before we got sick. I could handle never seeing a salad again. Actually I could handle never having a taco salad again. I know that was not what made me sick, but still!

I also didn't say that Christopher went home with my mom for a week. He got to be with a little of everybody up there. He got to ride 4 wheelers, ride a boat, jump off a boat...you know all the things you can do in the country. He had a good time.

July 15th

Eric had a CAT scan on Wednesday. The doctor was supposed to call us Thursday or Friday, but we haven't heard from him yet.

Eric is doing well at home. He has physical and occupational therapy 3 times a week. That wears him out sometimes. But he is getting stronger and stronger everyday.

July 7th

Eric has been home for a week now. Things are going good. We didn't have physical therapy until Wednesday. Yesterday, we went to see Dr. Kelly (the neuro-surgeon). We were in his office for about 5 minutes and most of that time Eric did the talking. He said that Eric looked good. He scheduled a CAT scan for next Wednesday to see if the blood was still in his brain. If there is no blood there, then he will refer us to St. Anthony's for the Gammaknife. Dr. Kelly said that the procedure usually doesn't take full effect until about 6 months, so he could start to bleed again in that time. We also have an appointment scheduled for August 10th with the Hematologist at I think OU med. He has therapy three times a week.

Just recently, I heard something that someone said about our situation. It was not an uplifting thought and it bothered me. But it bothered me in a way that put condemnation on me. I was reminded by several people about the scripture that says to take every thought captive. I'm sure there are several but the one I am talking about is 2 Corinthians 10:5. I like what it says in The Message Bible, "We use our powerful God-tools to smashing warped philosophies." You should read it in the Message. You can go on line to Crosswalk.com and look up scriptures in any version. Anyways, I was reminded to come back to God and he will help clear things.

July 2nd

Well Eric has been home for 2 1/2 days now. I was really nervous about having him home. Mainly nervous about the "what ifs". What if he falls? What if he can't do this? What if he is in pain? I'm learning that you can keep living in the what ifs. They will absolutely kill you.

Yesterday we tried some outings like Lowe's and Home Depot. We needed stuff to raise the furniture. The trips were okay but you have to get past some hurdles. We got to Lowe's and the wheel chairs are not convient for tall people. But the outings where good for Eric. It is good to have his parents here with us also. They have moved into the living room. I couldn't do this without them and my parents (and A LOT of other peopele).

Friday morning, my mom took Christopher home with her for a week. We thought that Eric could learn to get around a little better if we didn't have a 2 year old under his feet. Christopher first got to go to my Aunt's farm. That is always fun for kids. Then they are going to their house to be with Poppie. I miss him but it is kind of nice for Eric and I after 7 weeks of being in the hospital.

So the next steps in the process is to go to physical therapy at Jim Thorpe south side 3 times a week. We have to schedule an appointment with Dr. Kelly, the neuro-surgeon, next Thursday. And we also have to schedule an appointment with the hemotologist about the blood clot problem.

I'll continue to write until this is all over with. God is good!

June 29th

Eric is coming home tomorrow!

Christopher

I said something in my last post that I need to clarify. Christopher didn't want to be touched means that he turned 2 and wanted to do everything for himself. He wants to put his clothes on by himself even if it is the wrong way. He wants to play and not be bothered even for a hug and kiss from mom. That is what I meant. He was an independent 2 year old.

June 26th

Eric got to come home for the day both Saturday and Sunday. He spent most of the day Saturday playing with Christopher. Both Christopher and Eric enjoyed that. Sunday he wanted to go to church, so we went to the 11:15 service. I think it was a strategic time to go. The worship sang that said "The enemy has been defeated, Death couldn't hold you down." Pastor shared a little about what happened before the song. I think it released something in some people. It was just cool to be there all together. Today, a therapist came out to see what needs to be done to the house for Eric to come home. It wasn't too bad. I was afraid that we would have to change a lot of stuff, but we don't. The bed and couch are too short so we have to raise those. There were just a few other things we needed to have done.

Some people keep asking how Christopher has done. He is handling things so well. Of coarse he is a little spoiled have both grandmas here and sometimes both grandpas. He can be a little needy and want to just be held, but I don't mind that since before this happened he didn't want to be touched. So he is doing really well.

June 22nd

Eric will be getting a day pass to come home or do whatever he wants to do on Saturday. On Monday, a therapist will be coming to our house to analyze it to see what equipment we may need. They said that if all goes well, he will be coming home on Thursday or Friday. We will then have to do out patient therapy for a while. He is doing really well and is in good spirits. Continue to pray strength and stamina. And pray for the right side to keep progressing. Thank you for all of your prayers.

June 17th

Yesterday we met with Dr. Kelly the Neuro-surgeon. Both Dr. Snowden (the person who would do the next arteriogram) and Dr. Smith (the Dr. who did the last arteriogram) have been out of town. Dr. Kelly thinks after doing more research that it may be better and easier to do a type of radiation therapy instead of the coil they talked about before. He wants to talk to Dr. Snowden on Monday to see what she thinks. If they decide to go that way, we would not need to do another arteriogram. Dr. Kelly says that the risk of doing radiation is less than the risk of doing the coil or glue. He is going to send a CD with Eric's pictures to some Dr.'s at St. Anthony to see if they could do this kind of therapy and what they suggest. The blood in his brain is almost gone and would need to be completely gone to be able to do the radiation. Dr. Kelly well be visiting with us again on Monday.

On another note, they ran some blood tests on Eric because they were confussed on why he has two blood clots at such a young age. What they found was that he has something called Factor V (5 not the letter v) Leiden. This is a gene that you inherit from one of your parents that makes you pron to getting blood clots. They want us to go to OU med or another hospital when we get out and have everyone including Christopher tested since it is genetic. They also want to do genetic counseling with us. Whoever has it may have to go on a blood thinner. Eric cannot go on the medicine until the fistula in his brain is taken care of. The plus note to this is that since he has this, it is what stopped his brain from bleeding. It's funny how things can be bad and a blessing at the same time. Another funny things is that we may be visiting almost every hospital in OKC. So if you need to know what hospital to go to, you can just ask us.

As far as progress goes, Eric is really coming along. He is learning how to get out of bed mostly by himself. He is moving his arm and hand more. He is learning to do a lot of stuff by himself or with little assistance. His spirit is very positive. He even was able to minister to another young man in therapy. The other guy was down about his situation and say that Eric had a positive attitude and was cutting up. Eric and his mom were able to talk to him and be a good influence. God is doing a really good thing there.

It's funny that God can even speak through movies. I was watching one last night and the question was asked "Why do bad things happen to good people and how can you pray to a God that lets things happen?" It is something that I think we can all say we question. It was answered that God's promise to us isn't that he won't let bad things happen. His promise is that he will be there when they do. It's just like having kids. We can't prevent them from falling down and skinning their knee. But we can be there when they do. God is here, even in the bad situations. God promised Joshua, "I will never leave you." That is for us also.

June 13th

A little progress everyday!! Eric walked with a walker yesterday about 20 feet. He can also flex his hand now. He is very excited at the progress he is making. Christopher comes up almost everyday after daycare. Eric really enjoys seeing him. He told Eric yesterday that he was going to get better because he prayed for him at church. Christopher is adjusting very well to the changes. We are still waiting to see when the arteriogram will be done.

Praise God, Strength and stamina and Micah 7:8!

June 11th

We are making progress. Eric was able to flex his hand today. And he is getting better at flexing his right arm. He did say that his left leg doesn't hurt as much so Friday they had him take 2 steps. He says it was 2 steps with lots of assistance. Today, they got him in a wheel chair and the family got to eat lunch in the lunch room on the floor. Christopher rode with Daddy on his wheel chair. Christopher also calls his bed a wagon. Hopefully soon we will be able to schedule the next arteriogram.

June 6th

Rehab is wearing Eric out. They work with him all day long. As far as visiting hours go, he can have visitors after 4 during the week day and anytime on the weekend. He is in room 372. Please give me a call on my cell at 620-2986 or at the hospital before coming. He may be too worn out to have guests.

Two scriptures we are standing on is Micah7:8 which says Do not gloat over me, my enemies, for though I have fallen, I WILL RISE! The other scripture is my personal favorite, Joshua 6:2. The first word is really all you need and it is SEE! Look it up and you can figure it out.

June 5th

Today was our first day of "boot camp" as they call it. Eric was up working from 8-3:30 with an hour off for lunch. He was exhausted. They had him working on speech to regain some of the harder words. They had him in the gym working on balance and stretching muscles on the left side. They also had him in his room working on his muscles in his right arm. It was really fun to watch all the stuff they do. All the rehab coaches are very nice and positive. I was afraid that it would be painful like the day before. It did help that the nurse kept him filled with Loritab all day, too.

God is still God. Even when things look dark and never ending, God is still God. There has been so many miracles out of this situation. Aunt Sylvia and Uncle Roy drove out here the first week. Uncle Roy needed to go home but Aunt Sylvia needed to stay here. Her friend found out and someone gave Aunt Sylvia her frequent flyer miles to get home. Eric and I needed to re-do the bathroom and were saving up for it. That day that Eric went in, he put a hole in the wall and some of the tile started falling off. Some friends found out and got some money together and totally redid the bathroom for us. The place they bought the supplies at, gave them a discount because of our situation. God is still God. Even though we have not seen the big miracle yet-which is Eric walking out of the hospital-God is God. The list goes on and on. I know it is not easy to have faith. Sometimes it is just a decision you have to make and then walk that way every day. Before you know it trusting God is a well made path that isn't so hard anymore.

June 4th

With help from the Occupational Therapist, Eric was able to get real clothes on today. They also got him up once, but it was too painful and they put him back in bed. He was in so much pain because of his left leg having a blod clot.

Tomorrow he starts physical therapy and everything else. They call it "boot camp". Please pray for Eric's pain and tolerance. Also, pray that Eric will have patience.

He was also moving his right hand and foot more than he has today. We are believing God for 100% healing.

Not a Stroke

Well we have seen the doctor several times since Wednesday. They have determined that Eric did not have a stroke. He had a brain bleed. The difference? A stroke would leave perminent damage, whereas a brain bleed may not leave perminent damage on the brain. The doctor said that after the "bruise" goes down, everything else will be back to normal. They also determined that what Eric has is called an arterial venous fistula. It is where a vessel is weakened and opens or tears and then bleeds. His is the artery that carries oxygen to the brain and goes right down the center of the brain. It is very rare. The doctor said that he may see one in his life time. He said there is only one study on it and it was from 1990-2000. Out of thousands of brain bleeds, this form was only present 9 times. So he is sending the pictures out to another medical place to have them analyze it. He said that they will do an arteriogram 2 weeks from now to see if the blood has moved. If the blood has moved and they can get clearer pictures, they will put a coil in there to stop it from bleeding again. In the mean time, we will be transferred to 3rd floor at Baptist for rehab.

Eric should have moved tonite, but then he had to have an ultrasound done on his left leg to look for a blood clot. He was complaining of pain in his calf and when we looked, his calf and foot was swollen. He was in a lot of pain today. They think he could have a blood clot in his left leg or a charlie horse. He can't get up and take care of a charlie horse, so he just has to sit and take constant pain for hours. We should be able to move tomorrow.

Please pray for a boy who is at Baptist ICU. He is 19 and they think he has a brain tumor. He is going through some of the same things we went through. I met his grandma yesterday and have been praying with her. His name is Kyle Spears.

The thought for the day: Never take things for granted. I know everybody says that, but take it from someone who has been there. Make sure the people around you know that you care for them and appreciate them. I have learned to appreciate the sweet hugs my 2 year old gives even though some days I don't even get to see him. I also appreciate the smiles my husband gives. There was a time in ICU that my husband couldn't smile at me because he was so much on morphine or he was in Lebanon. (Seriously, one day he thought he was in Lebanon). I know this thought is morbid, but one day they could be gone. I haven't had a hug from my husband in 3 weeks. When is the last time that you hugged your spouse or kids and really hugged them?

May 31st

Today we had our arteriogram (also known as an angiogram). We haven't seen the doctor to get a report. It wore Eric out and made him sore. He took pain meds almost all day. So we are still waiting. That seems to be our story right now. Wait! A funny thing happens though when you wait. You also become still and that is when God speaks. It may not be a loud do this, but he speaks. It's in those quiet moments that you know God is near and he is giving you strength to last each minute of each day.

It's times like this that you start to realize the truth in things that people say. Like this saying, "Be still and know that He is God." WHAT?" When we are still and quiet and not trying to fix things, we find that God is really there all along, we just get too busy to hear Him.

Continue to pray clarity for the Doctors who look at the test information. Also, declare life into Eric's right side. I know that Eric will rise again and walk. Thank you for all your support.

ICU-itist

12 days in ICU can make for a very aggitated person. Eric was known for pulling out his tubes. On the 2nd or 3rd night he decided he didn't want his ventilator anymore, so he pulled it out. I'm sure it hurt but Eric just wanted it out. Several times he pulled the feeding tube out. One of the last nights he was in ICU he pulled his feeding tube, IV and was working on the drain on his head. Since he pulled on the drain some of it tore, which meant they had to pull the drain period.

By the second week, he had had so much morphine that he was sort of going crazy. You never knew what was going to come out of his mouth. One time he yelled for his nurse, Rita, and the whole ICU heard him. He had my mom convinced that the tv was on when it was not. He told his parents that he was in a hospital over seas. We came in one time and he had a towel rapped around his hand and said that they were shooting at him. Him being on morphine was probably one of the scariest things I had seen. I just couldn't find Eric.

He is doing good today. He is scheduled to have the arteriogram tomorrow sometime. He seems to be sleeping a little more. Physical Therapy comes every day. Today they put him in a wheel chair to take a spin. He enjoyed getting out of the hospital room.

Life is funny with its curve balls! I never thought in my life I would be dealing with this, especially at 32. But God can handle anything. We have had our blessings. Like the blessing that I was still home when this happened. The blessing that our friends have pulled together and helped us in so many ways. We got a new bathroom out of it. Eric had kicked in the wall and some friends got together to not only finance the repairs but also to redo. So God is good!

Eric's Stroke

It was 7:30 on Monday, May 15th. Eric called for me from the bathroom. He said he thought he was having a stroke. I questioned him and thought there must be another reason why the right side of his body went numb. We called 911 and went to the hospital. Eric spent 12 days in the ICU at Southwest. We then were transferred to Baptist hospital. We are scheduled to have an arteriogram today or Wednesday.

While Eric was in the ER, I called family and had them come in. Susan, Martin, Bethany and Shane flew in from Alabama. Mom drove down from Missouri. Word spread quickly among church and friends and before I knew it we had support from all over the country. Uncle Roy and Sylvia came in also. Several people came to the ER to give me support. The pastors at Destiny all showed up and were with me for a while. The chaplain at the hospital seemed to follow me. I wanted to tell him that I had my support in the waiting room.

I will have to write more later about our experience in ICU. But for now I have to say, God is good. It may not seem like it when you are going through things but be patient and trust in God. I thought I was completely weak and could not go through another day, but we made it through. When people would say this to me, I would think "It is easy for you to say, you're not going through it." I have been there. I know what it is like to think you will not make it. It's during those times that God carries you through. He will give you strength. You may not see the strength until the other side, but it really is there.